# Satirical Article on the Illuminati / Freemasonry



## ctp2nd (Nov 17, 2010)

Link: (Possibly some NSFW Ads and Articles)http://www.masonsoftexas.com/newthread.php?do=newthread&f=2 

Stuff You Should Know: The Illuminati

Posted 11/16/2010 at 10:35 am by Kristi
If all you know about the Illuminati was taught to you by one Professor Dan Brown, then you are in for a treat, my friend. Because there is a lot more to this lovable group of invisible puppet masters than just secret murders and a conspiracy to set up a new world order. A lot more. For example:

1. The Bavarian Connection

Both the current Pope and the Illuminati were born in Bavaria, possibly on the same day, but probably not, because the Illuminati is 234 years old. Bavarian philosopher and professor Adam Weishaupt founded the secret club on May 1, 1776, and modeled it after the equally sneaky Freemasons. Some say the point of the Illuminati was to overthrow all the monarchies and state governments of Europe, but all those sources are also shady blogs created in 1997 and festooned with blinky dollar signs and pyramids. Weâ€™re going to go ahead and take their word for it, though.

2. The Illuminati was Wildly Popular â€“ At First

Enlightened men all over Europe were on secret club rolls like white on rice. But they didnâ€™t call themselves â€˜Illuminati,â€™ they preferred â€˜Perfectibilists,â€™ which is an even more prickish name, isnâ€™t it? Within ten years the club claimed over 2000 members throughout Europe. But super secret white man club parties rarely last, and this one lost a ton of steam when the ruler of Bavaria banned all hush-hush clubs in 1784. Membership dwindled, Weishaupt was ousted and the Illuminati disbanded. Or did they?

3. Yeah, They Probably Did

While the Freemasonry survived the banning and continues up until the present day, the only people who really think the Illuminati are still around are wackjob conspiracy theorists. And the first conspiracy theory revolving around the Illuminati had to do with the French Revolution. This is how it went:

Revolutionaries wanted to overthrow the monarchy
Illuminati wanted to overthrow the monarchy
The Illuminati were secretly responsible for the French Revolution
As hard as it is to argue with logic so tight you could take a bath in it, the evidence is sadly lacking.

4. For Our Purposes, the Illuminati and Freemasons are the Same Thing

Theyâ€™re not, obviously, but in the beginning the Illuminati drew their membership from the same pool of freethinking aristocrats as the Freemasons. And when the Freemasons kept, you know, existing, and the Illuminati totally didnâ€™t, conspiracy theorists just kind of tagged the Illuminati as the Freemasonsâ€™ sneaky secret overlords. Or underlords. Weâ€™re not sure which.

5. Illuminati Conspiracy Theory: Short Version

Illuminati conspiracy theorists are afraid of one thing: New World Order. The idea picked up steam in the early 20th century when a British revisionist historian convinced herself and others, including Winston Churchill, that the Illuminati and Jews were mosâ€™ def behind the French Revolution. As the century wore on and conservatives got more and more scared of Communists and atheist liberals, the idea of a sinister mastermind group orchestrating world events picked up steam. The goal of the secret group? A New World Order, duh. One government, no religion, no states. So, pretty much the real life version of John Lennonâ€™s â€˜Imagine.â€™

6. And Then Bush, Sr. Stepped in It

Just when Christian conservatives were getting all riled up about Satanâ€™s minions setting up a â€˜New World Orderâ€™ through the Masons, Illuminati, Jews and ACLU, George Bush, Sr. said the following:

Now, we can see a new world coming into view. A world in which there is the very real prospect of a new world order. In the words of Winston Churchill, a â€œworld orderâ€ in which â€œthe principles of justice and fair play â€¦ protect the weak against the strong â€¦
EEK! And now we know why he wasnâ€™t re-elected.

7. Everyone from the Bush Family to the Obamas Have Been Tied to the Club

Well, yeah, after that speech. The Bushes and the Obamas, even though youâ€™d think these guys probably wouldnâ€™t chill at the same club. Bonus fact, if you google â€˜Bush family Illuminatiâ€™ the first kajillion hits are from end times Christian web sites; the first one refers to George Bush as a â€˜Luciferianâ€™ and uses a picture of him lighting the Olympic Winter torch as evidence of his participation in Illuminati rituals.

After the above torch ceremony, Bush and his wife joined his parents and daughters at Camp David, presumably for a secret satanic solstice ritual.
And since this source was totally backed up by Wikipedia, you should feel 100% safe clicking on it. For sure.

8. Also, Jay-Z

Oh, Jay-Z is totally Illuminati, didnâ€™t you know? Why else would a 41 year old man keep making those ridiculous pyramid signs all over the place? Because unlike past members of the Illuminati, Jay-Z has ZERO INTEREST in keeping his affiliation under wraps.

He puts cult imagery on his clothing line:

Sings about overthrowing the current world order in â€œRun this Townâ€:



And clearly turned Beyonce into an evil Mrs. Illuminati:

Maybe in an effort to do some damage control, Jay-Z wrote a whole song about how he wasnâ€™t a Freemason. Here are some lyrics:

â€œB-tch I said I was amazing, Not that Iâ€™m a Masonâ€
Mayhaps not. But it doesnâ€™t change the fact that he shakes hands in the Freemasonest/cultiest way possible:

But speaking of pyramids all over the placeâ€¦

9. The Illuminati Had Nothing to do With the Symbols on the Dollar Bill

Disappointing, I know. It took six years for Benjamin Franklin, Thomas Jefferson, John Adams and the rest of their â€˜Invent a Great Seal for the United Statesâ€™ committee to come up with the seal that we see on the dollar bill. Of all the guys on the committee, only Ben was a known Freemason, and his suggestion of â€˜Moses parting the sea and using the parted waters to kill a crowned Pharoah sitting in a chariotâ€™ was promptly rejected. Although we do associate the all-seeing eye with Freemasonry today, they didnâ€™t adopt that symbol until several years after the Great Seal was approved.

10. There are Still Places Where the Illuminati are Thriving

Unfortunately, those places only exist in Dan Brownâ€™s vivid imagination. Before Brown scored bigtime with The Da Vinci Code, he wrote Angels and Demons. And in that book, symbologist/protagonist (symbtagonist?) Robert Langdon chases down members of the Illuminati who are keen on blowing up the Vatican. With a canister of antimatter. Totally what Adam Weishaupt had in mind when he started his little club.


----------



## tbone1321 (Nov 17, 2010)

Nice thank you for that


----------



## fmasonlog (Nov 18, 2016)

Interesting subject 


Sent from my iPhone using My Freemasonry


----------



## fmasonlog (Dec 3, 2016)

ctp2nd said:


> Link: (Possibly some NSFW Ads and Articles)http://www.masonsoftexas.com/newthread.php?do=newthread&f=2
> 
> Stuff You Should Know: The Illuminati
> 
> ...



Why is there a Facebook page of illuminati with a confirmation check mark from Facebook? I'd like to be educated, thx. 


Sent from my iPhone using My Freemasonry


----------



## dfreybur (Dec 4, 2016)

fmasonlog said:


> Why is there a Facebook page of illuminati with a confirmation check mark from Facebook? I'd like to be educated, thx.



Since the actual Illuminati have not existed for centuries I figure they only want conspiracy theorists not folks who know the actual history.


----------



## fmasonlog (Dec 4, 2016)

dfreybur said:


> Since the actual Illuminati have not existed for centuries I figure they only want conspiracy theorists not folks who know the actual history.



That's amazing... they've even published books. I think it's called the first testament of illuminati.


Sent from my iPhone using My Freemasonry


----------



## dfreybur (Dec 5, 2016)

Consider the Order of Bards and Druids.  Great guys but the actual Druids were wiped out millennia ago.  It's okay to reconstruct a defunct order, but the history of that order matters.  A group could be sincerely reconstructing the defunct order - If so I suggest that fact will be prominently mentioned in their documentation.


----------



## fmasonlog (Dec 5, 2016)

dfreybur said:


> Consider the Order of Bards and Druids.  Great guys but the actual Druids were wiped out millennia ago.  It's okay to reconstruct a defunct order, but the history of that order matters.  A group could be sincerely reconstructing the defunct order - If so I suggest that fact will be prominently mentioned in their documentation.



That is believable as I've heard similar story from another brother.


Sent from my iPhone using My Freemasonry


----------



## jermy Bell (Dec 5, 2016)

Where do I sign up ? Lol


----------



## fmasonlog (Dec 5, 2016)

jermy Bell said:


> Where do I sign up ? Lol



Lol, are you serious? They've got a verified page on Facebook... probably check on there. I personally am lost about illuminati... but after reading the book, I learned that they want to make the world a better place and are short of members. Also... they promise whoever is loyal with rewards in riches, betrayal to illuminati earns you public shame throughout connections. It is certainly interesting 


Sent from my iPhone using My Freemasonry


----------



## jermy Bell (Dec 5, 2016)

Where would we be without all the conspiracy theories? I keep looking around and talking to the older members of some of the lodges we visit, about all these ceremonies ,and knowing where all the gold is and when we're taking over the world. A real good friend who is a brother and just turned 94, looked at me and said son, you've watched to many movies. I've been a mason for 50 years, and I still can't get anyone to tell me. Lol.


----------



## Bloke (Dec 7, 2016)

http://www.lodgedevotion.net/devoti...g-and-or-satire/amusing-lodge-minutes-2015-04


----------



## Brother JC (Dec 8, 2016)

Roswell #18 might challenge those museum franchise fees. I'm sure they were behind the UFO.


----------



## Bloke (Dec 8, 2016)

Brother JC said:


> Roswell #18 might challenge those museum franchise fees. I'm sure they were behind the UFO.


That's in a different set of minutes


----------



## Cruce (May 2, 2017)

hahaha ......them whack job conspiracy theorists. where do they get this stuff from?


----------



## jermy Bell (May 2, 2017)

Have you heard the one that we are micro chipping children like dogs, so we can keep tabs on them ?


----------



## Cruce (May 2, 2017)

I've probably heard them all. Yes I did hear that one. Who would do something like that?


----------



## MarkR (May 3, 2017)

jermy Bell said:


> Have you heard the one that we are micro chipping children like dogs, so we can keep tabs on them ?


Thus the reason that we changed the name of the program from CHiP to Kids' ID.


----------

