# Dear Santa



## Blake Bowden (Sep 18, 2013)

http://www.nydailynews.com/life-sty...-letter-asks-bullied-sister-article-1.1458530


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## rpbrown (Sep 19, 2013)

It is sad that bullying goes on as it does for no reason except there are bullies.
My 2 grand daughters that live close to me were both bullied. The oldest because she is tall and slender and smart. The youngest is what they call high functioning autistic. There were 2 girls at their school last year that would pick on them every day. My oldest eve got sent to the office because she stuck up for her sister when one of these girls was pushing her around. Now my son and DIL went to the school and complained but come to find out, the 2 girls causing the problems were the assistant principals kids so nothing was done. 
My son called me one day and asked if I would mind riding over with him to pick the girls up after school on our motorcycles. Sure, I'm always up for a ride. The first day we went, our kids came out and sure enough they were being followed by the 2 brats and of course they were at that point verbally picking on them. Now we were parked right up front, 2 large (both 6'4 and 220+ lbs) men in leather vests (S & C and AF & AM on the back) and our girls came up. we gave them their helmets, the put them on and climbed on the bikes. The look on the 2 bullies faces were priceless as well as the other kids watching.
This went on for a couple of weeks until I had to go out of town. Come to find out, they had just become the coolest girls in school and no one would let the 2 bullies get close to them after that.


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## BryanMaloney (Sep 19, 2013)

Regarding bullying: Do not believe the tired old lies that bullies are "hurting on the inside" or "suffer from low self esteem". In recent years, instead of just letting bullies make up whatever sob stories they want, researchers have administered tests that measure self esteem to groups of children regardless of "bully" status and then determined from adult authority figures in the children's lives which ones were prone to bullying and which ones were prone to being bullied.

Results: Bullies tend to have exceptionally high self-esteem. They have very high views of themselves and of their place in the world. Victims have very low self-esteem. Bullies are not "acting out" as a "cry for help". They are simply asserting what they believe to be their "rightful" place in society and using bullying in order to establish and advertise their own image of status.
Once again, grandpa was right: Bullies to not need to be coddled, they need to be taken down a few pegs.


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## Blake Bowden (Sep 19, 2013)

BryanMaloney said:


> Once again, grandpa was right: Bullies to not need to be coddled, they need to be taken down a few pegs.



I'd agree with that!


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## dfreybur (Sep 20, 2013)

BryanMaloney said:


> Results: Bullies tend to have exceptionally high self-esteem. They have very high views of themselves and of their place in the world. Victims have very low self-esteem. Bullies are not "acting out" as a "cry for help". They are simply asserting what they believe to be their "rightful" place in society and using bullying in order to establish and advertise their own image of status.
> Once again, grandpa was right: Bullies to not need to be coddled, they need to be taken down a few pegs.



Bullies deliberately hurt people.  It's that simple.  While positive reinforcement works better than negative reinforcement both are needed in a balance.  Punishment is the appropriate treatment when someone is deliberately hurt.  Making it about "self esteem" ignores this simple moral issue.

Bullies are folks who have not learned the difference between aggressiveness and assertiveness.  Like the difference between forgiveness and forgetness it's a lesson that even many adults have not learned.  Being assertive does not hurt anyone.  It's not the only difference but it is the most visible one.


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## LittleHunter (Sep 20, 2013)

I agree comoletely with dfreybur. I would add that in addition to learning/teaching healthy assertiveness we need to cultivate compassion and empathy. 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'


My Freemasonry HD


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## BryanMaloney (Sep 21, 2013)

dfreybur said:


> Bullies are folks who have not learned the difference between aggressiveness and assertiveness.  Like the difference between forgiveness and forgetness it's a lesson that even many adults have not learned.  Being assertive does not hurt anyone.  It's not the only difference but it is the most visible one.



I used to be so innocent as to believe things like that. I've seen enough to know differently. Bullies very often do know the difference between aggressiveness and assertiveness. It's like claiming that thieves merely do not know the basics of "property" and "ownership" or murderers do not understand what "life" or "death" is. Perhaps some few mentally ill or brain-damaged people might fall into this, but it's not the case with the majority of them.


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## BryanMaloney (Sep 21, 2013)

LittleHunter said:


> I agree comoletely with dfreybur. I would add that in addition to learning/teaching healthy assertiveness we need to cultivate compassion and empathy. 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'



And when compassion is seen as weakness? It's comforting to believe that bad people do not exist. It's also a delusion. Bad people do exist. There are those who understand and reject compassion. Were the world only a place where any flower-child would be safe at any moment, it would be wonderful, but it isn't. Good people greatly outnumber the bad, but the bad still exist.


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## LittleHunter (Sep 21, 2013)

You're right, Bryan, that's why we have to be strong. That's why we need to be compassionate... Not so that we can make excuses for bad people but so that we have the courage and integrity not to give up and sink to their level. We must be warriors


My Freemasonry HD


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## RedTemplar (Sep 22, 2013)

Generally speaking, people will treat you as you let them.  I'll be as assertive or aggressive as is needed to communicate this to a bully. Sometimes it takes a 2x4 to get his attention.


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## BryanMaloney (Sep 22, 2013)

RedTemplar said:


> Generally speaking, people will treat you as you let them.  I'll be as assertive or aggressive as is needed to communicate this to a bully. Sometimes it takes a 2x4 to get his attention.



Those without morals will "treat you as you let them". Those with any moral fiber will not push things as far as they are "let" to push.


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## jwhoff (Sep 22, 2013)

RedTemplar said:


> Generally speaking, people will treat you as you let them.  I'll be as assertive or aggressive as is needed to communicate this to a bully. Sometimes it takes a 2x4 to get his attention.



Or a properly weighed fence post!


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