# Some good quotes...



## Blake Bowden (Jan 5, 2012)

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Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot and anyone going faster than you is an a-hole?

Life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer you get to the end the faster it goes.

When you see a man opening a car door for a woman it can only mean 1 of 2 things. Either the car is new or the wife is.

Relationships are like fat people, most of them don't work out.

Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any

Putting $4,000 rims on your 1998 Honda Civic is like Betty White going out and getting breast implants.

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you donâ€™t have a good partner, youâ€™d better have a good hand.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

Evening news is where they begin with â€˜Good eveningâ€™, and then proceed to tell you why it isnâ€™t.

If you think nobody cares if youâ€™re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?

Money canâ€™t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

A bargain is something you donâ€™t need at a price you canâ€™t resist.

Why is it that most nudists are people you donâ€™t want to see naked?

Whatâ€™s the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale? A northern fairytale begins â€œOnce upon a timeâ€¦â€ A southern fairytale begins â€œYâ€™all ainâ€™t gonna believe this shitâ€¦â€

Children in the dark make accidents, but accidents in the dark make children.

You know your children are growing up when they stop asking you where they came from and refuse to tell you where theyâ€™re going.

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

Why didnâ€™t Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

The difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.

Do you realize that in about 40 years, weâ€™ll have thousands of old ladies running around with lower back tattoos?

America is a country which produces citizens who will cross the ocean to fight for democracy but wonâ€™t cross the street to vote.

There are two kinds of friends : those who are around when you need them, and those who are around when they need you.

Foreign Aid: The transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.

Ever notice that people who spend money on beer, cigarettes, and lottery tickets are always complaining about being broke and not feeling well?

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.


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## Brent Heilman (Jan 5, 2012)

Those are great Brother. It was just the thing to start my morning off right.


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## LukeD (Jan 7, 2012)

These a good. I'm going to have to steal a few. Thanks.


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