# I am having trouble joining a lodge ( my wife)



## rider.of.rohan (Jan 27, 2017)

Hey guys I have a problem. I want to join a lodge and become a mason but the wife is saying she doesn't want me to. She says that work takes me away from home enough from her and my daughter.  And if I join the masons that I will be gone even more. What should I do? What should I say? Any advice is accepted. Thanks guys.


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## Elexir (Jan 27, 2017)

How old is your daughter?


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## rider.of.rohan (Jan 27, 2017)

Elexir said:


> How old is your daughter?


She will be 3 soon

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## SimonM (Jan 27, 2017)

rider.of.rohan said:


> She will be 3 soon



If your work takes a lot of your time you should focus on your family for now. In 3 or 5 years it will be easier and you should have more time for yourself. Masonry will still be there, and it is better if you knock on the door when you can do it without feeling guilty for neglecting your family.


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## David Duke (Jan 27, 2017)

This is a question only you can answer. One of the principle teachings of Masonry is that it should not interfere with your duties to your God, yourself or country. I would be very careful about joining if your wife is so opposed. 

That said if the time issue is her only concern it may be that she can join you in a few visits to a Lodge she may then get a better understanding of what is involved. 


David Duke
Secretary 
Sam B Crawford #1418
New Caney,  TX


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## Brother JC (Jan 27, 2017)

Giving marital advice is way above my paygrade.


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## BullDozer Harrell (Jan 27, 2017)

It's a joint decision to which your wife has already voiced her position. Honor your wife in all your choices.

Android OS Nougat 7.0


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## BullDozer Harrell (Jan 27, 2017)

If my wife wasn't as agreeable to me spending time away at lodge and made it known to me,  then i'd resign membership without any reservation. But luckily she agrees. There's no other way around it.

Android OS Nougat 7.0


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## goomba (Jan 27, 2017)

Whenever I'm on an investigation committee if the spouse is against the person joining this is a huge red flag to me.  Family first.  Now if you have friends who are already masons their spouses might be able to talk to yours.


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## Warrior1256 (Jan 28, 2017)

SimonM said:


> If your work takes a lot of your time you should focus on your family for now. In 3 or 5 years it will be easier and you should have more time for yourself.





David Duke said:


> One of the principle teachings of Masonry is that it should not interfere with your duties to your God, yourself or country. I would be very careful about joining if your wife is so opposed.





JamestheJust said:


> Pay attention to what your wife says. Freemasonry lasts longer than marriages.





BullDozer Harrell said:


> It's a joint decision to which your wife has already voiced her position. Honor your wife in all your choices.


Agree with all of the above. Family comes first. Maybe at a later time your wife will be more agreeable.


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## Benjamin Baxter (Jan 28, 2017)

If your wife doesn't support you, it will make it difficult on your home life. I would work on convincing her to like it before you proceed much further. It is ultimately your choice. I didn't have kids when I joined masonry, My second wife supports me in everything I do. My first one did not, good thing we didn't have kids... lol. You can see ho that worked out. That being said, I have a new 10 week old and the minute she tells me that I should stay home to be with family, I look closely at what I can do to support my family and still enjoy the fraternity.  

Family comes first.

One thing you could do is to look for any open events that you can go to with your wife and silently influence her to see all the good that is done through the fraternity.


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## CLewey44 (Jan 28, 2017)

As everyone has said, irritating her will only make your life difficult and the last thing Masonry should ever be is a burden. If momma isn't on board, you'll probably get your degrees and never come back or worse yet, just go to the initiation and never come back. I'm sure you've explained how important this is for you but if she's sitting there at home waiting on you and annoyed,  it won't be a positive experience. If you explained too that maybe you'd only go every two or three months after the initial three degrees vs. every two weeks, she may be at ease then.  Also, maybe if someone she trusts that's a Mason, such as your father or her father,  talks to her about it, they could explain how good it'll be for you.


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## dfreybur (Jan 28, 2017)

rider.of.rohan said:


> but the wife is saying she doesn't want me to



That's that.  The end.  Get back to us when she changes her mind.  We do NOT get between husband and wife.

If your wife objects you will be and should be rejected.  Don't petition at this point.  Work out domestic tranquility first then petition.


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## Bloke (Jan 29, 2017)

rider.of.rohan said:


> Hey guys I have a problem. I want to join a lodge and become a mason but the wife is saying she doesn't want me to. She says that work takes me away from home enough from her and my daughter.  And if I join the masons that I will be gone even more. What should I do? What should I say? Any advice is accepted. Thanks guys.
> 
> 
> Sent from my VS990 using My Freemasonry mobile app



All that's been said is good...

My partner would be gutted if I gave up the Craft, keeps me out of her hair and she loves quite a few of my brothers, she's been calling one "her future son in law" for years 

My further advice? Find a lodge with a baby sitting circle.... she'll be all for it !!!


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## CLewey44 (Jan 29, 2017)

Bloke said:


> All that's been said is good...
> 
> My partner would be gutted if I gave up the Craft, keeps me out of her hair and she loves quite a few of my brothers, she's been calling one "her future son in law" for years
> 
> My further advice? Find a lodge with a baby sitting circle.... she'll be all for it !!!



Funny you mentioned that, my wife and I went to a few OES meetings and they had a couple of Rainbow Girls babysitting in the front of the building.


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## coachn (Jan 29, 2017)

rider.of.rohan said:


> Hey guys I have a problem. I want to join a lodge and become a mason but the wife is saying she doesn't want me to. She says that work takes me away from home enough from her and my daughter.  And if I join the masons that I will be gone even more. What should I do? What should I say? Any advice is accepted. Thanks guys.
> 
> 
> Sent from my VS990 using My Freemasonry mobile app


Were are you thinking of joining?


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## Keith C (Jan 29, 2017)

dfreybur said:


> That's that.  The end.  Get back to us when she changes her mind.  We do NOT get between husband and wife.
> 
> If your wife objects you will be and should be rejected.  Don't petition at this point.  Work out domestic tranquility first then petition.




I agree.  One of the criteria given to our committees is to assure, to the best of their ability, that the candidates family is supportive of their decision to join.  We meet at the candidates home with their family in the meeting.  We wont meet with the candidate alone and trust their assessment of their spouse's approval.

Discuss this with your wife and do not petition until she is on-board.  Your lodge does not want to become a point of contention in you family life.  Your family harmony comes before Freemasonry.


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## flameburns623 (Jan 29, 2017)

Go to pancake breakfasts and dinners with her and the kiddo.  Attend other open events.

If your work really does monopolize a lot of your time, she has raised a fair issue.

If she is so insecure that SHE is the one monopolizing  YOUR free time, you have bigger issues than Lodge membership.


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## rider.of.rohan (Jan 30, 2017)

coachn said:


> Were are you thinking of joining?



I wad thinking of joining bullard texas lodge. 


And thank you everyone for the wise comments. I have talked to my wife and will have to wait to join the lodge. I work too much right now and that's that. Thanks again for everything


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## Brother_Steve (Feb 2, 2017)

The first year of US masonry is tough. Degrees and studying. Especially if you live in a state where it is mouth to ear. This means you may be out of the house multiple times a month to meet with your mentor.


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## Thomas Stright (Feb 3, 2017)

Wait until she is good with it. We have an EA that is only allowed to study once per week.... he was initiated about the same time as I was and is still not to the EA obligation in his work. His wife doesn't like him away from home. 


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## Ripcord22A (Feb 3, 2017)

Thats ridiculous!

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## Thomas Stright (Feb 3, 2017)

I agree.... he also travels for work so there is more to it I am sure. 


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## Ripcord22A (Feb 3, 2017)

I travel for work, my wife gets frustrated that im gone alot but has never not "allowed" me to go.  Ive chosen not to go a few times to preserve the peace and harmony at home.  When I was learning my work for the degrees i just had my coach come.by my office at the end of the day, told my recruiters to go home and then studied for about an hr.  Simple text to the wife amd all was good.

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## Warrior1256 (Feb 4, 2017)

Thomas Stright said:


> Wait until she is good with it. We have an EA that is only allowed to study once per week.... he was initiated about the same time as I was and is still not to the EA obligation in his work. His wife doesn't like him away from home.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using My Freemasonry





Ripcord22A said:


> Thats ridiculous!
> 
> Sent from my LG-H918 using My Freemasonry mobile app


That IS ridiculous. If the wife is this much against his participation he shouldn't have joined to begin with.


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## Glen Cook (Feb 4, 2017)

Thomas Stright said:


> Wait until she is good with it. We have an EA that is only allowed to study once per week.... he was initiated about the same time as I was and is still not to the EA obligation in his work. His wife doesn't like him away from home.
> 
> 
> Sent from my iPhone using My Freemasonry


I only studied once a week in a mouth to ear jurisdiction.


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## Glen Cook (Feb 4, 2017)

Warrior1256 said:


> That IS ridiculous. If the wife is this much against his participation he shouldn't have joined to begin with.


Wait till you're married 37 years. The wife asks if you don't have a meeting to go to.


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## Warrior1256 (Feb 4, 2017)

Glen Cook said:


> Wait till you're married 37 years. The wife asks if you don't have a meeting to go to.


Lol....have been married for 22 and a half years and I have already heard "Do you have a meeting this evening"?


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## Bloke (Feb 4, 2017)

Warrior1256 said:


> Lol....have been married for 22 and a half years and I have already heard "Do you have a meeting this evening"?



I don't get asked when I'm busy but what nights I'm free.... it's a shorter list...and it's not a negative thing- my other half is out 2-3 nights herself. *sometimes* we even go out together lol..


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## Zack (Feb 4, 2017)

Don't join at this time in your life


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## Warrior1256 (Feb 4, 2017)

Bloke said:


> *sometimes* we even go out together lol..


Same here....usually to a family dinner at the lodge, AASR, or YR. Lol.


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## Bill Lins (Feb 4, 2017)

Glen Cook said:


> Wait till you're married 37 years. The wife asks if you don't have a meeting to go to.


I had yet to have been married 21 years when I started getting that!


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## Bill Lins (Feb 4, 2017)

Bloke said:


> I don't get asked when I'm busy but what nights I'm free.... it's a shorter list...and it's not a negative thing- my other half is out 2-3 nights herself. *sometimes* we even go out together lol..


Sounds a lot like us!


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## JJones (Feb 4, 2017)

rider.of.rohan said:


> Hey guys I have a problem. I want to join a lodge and become a mason but the wife is saying she doesn't want me to. She says that work takes me away from home enough from her and my daughter.  And if I join the masons that I will be gone even more. What should I do? What should I say? Any advice is accepted. Thanks guys.
> 
> 
> Sent from my VS990 using My Freemasonry mobile app



The most important part of your post:



> the wife is saying she doesn't want me to.



If she doesn't want you to do it, then don't. Freemasonry is a huge commitment and if the wife isn't on board then you should wait until she is.


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## Mike Martin (Feb 16, 2017)

rider.of.rohan said:


> Hey guys I have a problem. I want to join a lodge and become a mason but the wife is saying she doesn't want me to. She says that work takes me away from home enough from her and my daughter.  And if I join the masons that I will be gone even more. What should I do? What should I say? Any advice is accepted. Thanks guysSe app



Join when you are older and do not have such serious family commitments that even Freemasonry demands must come first!


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## GGG (Apr 10, 2017)

Keith C said:


> I agree.  One of the criteria given to our committees is to assure, to the best of their ability, that the candidates family is supportive of their decision to join.  We meet at the candidates home with their family in the meeting.  We wont meet with the candidate alone and trust their assessment of their spouse's approval.
> 
> Discuss this with your wife and do not petition until she is on-board.  Your lodge does not want to become a point of contention in you family life.  Your family harmony comes before Freemasonry.


I follow the idea of having your partner to agree with your choices. I'm so lucky. Mine is uber-supportive (and sometimes even more enthusiast when I talk about these matters) I'm a bit surprised to read that the first meetings include family?! I was more than happy to let my wife attend the meetings at my home (I don't know the exact English word for,these two important  meetings) as I was proud of her support, but this didn't seem necessary. I don't know anything yet, but instinctivly it would have felt better the other way.


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## rpbrown (Apr 11, 2017)

I was lucky, my wife agreed to me joining and all was good through the years until I became WM. Once I took the East, my time was really taken up by the lodge. Besides the normal activities and such, I would be called at work and at home all of the time. She began to get upset when I continuously got called at home about dinner time. In fact it got to the point where I would turn my phone off until after dinner to keep her happy.
After all, a happy wife means a happy life. With this said, take your time. Masonry will still be here in 5 or so years. Perhaps take her to an open function of the lodge to get to know other families. But most important is your duty to God, your family, and yourself.


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## Keith C (Apr 11, 2017)

GGG said:


> I follow the idea of having your partner to agree with your choices. I'm so lucky. Mine is uber-supportive (and sometimes even more enthusiast when I talk about these matters) I'm a bit surprised to read that the first meetings include family?! I was more than happy to let my wife attend the meetings at my home (I don't know the exact English word for,these two important  meetings) as I was proud of her support, but this didn't seem necessary. I don't know anything yet, but instinctively it would have felt better the other way.



I am not sure what jurisdiction you are under, nor what two meetings you are discussing.

The Process with our lodge, and at least the other lodges in our District in PA, is that a potential candidate will usually be in contact with one or another brother in the lodge, or, if they contacted the Grand Lodge inquiring about membership, will contact the Secretary.  They will then be invited to attend a dinner which take place before our stated meetings each month.  Usually they will attend  a few dinners and get to know some of the brothers, before submitting a petition.  Once the petition is read at a Stated meeting an Investigation Committee is appointed by the Worshipful Master.  This Investigation Committee meets with the petitioner, at their home, with their family present.  This is the only "meeting" where we expect a wife / SO to attend.


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## Warrior1256 (Apr 11, 2017)

Keith C said:


> he Process with our lodge, and at least the other lodges in our District in PA, is that a potential candidate will usually be in contact with one or another brother in the lodge, or, if they contacted the Grand Lodge inquiring about membership, will contact the Secretary. They will then be invited to attend a dinner which take place before our stated meetings each month. Usually they will attend a few dinners and get to know some of the brothers, before submitting a petition. Once the petition is read at a Stated meeting an Investigation Committee is appointed by the Worshipful Master. This Investigation Committee meets with the petitioner, at their home, with their family present. This is the only "meeting" where we expect a wife / SO to attend.


This is the way it was with me.


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## GGG (Apr 11, 2017)

Keith C said:


> ... This Investigation Committee meets with the petitioner, at their home, with their family present.  This is the only "meeting" where we expect a wife / SO to attend.


  Yes, the Investigation Committee, that's what I meant, here we have 2 meets at home before everything starts/continues. Already had lots of dinners with my three macon friends that are supporting my petition .


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## acjohnson53 (Apr 23, 2017)

Happy Wife, Happy Life....


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## Warrior1256 (Apr 23, 2017)

acjohnson53 said:


> Happy Wife, Happy Life....


Agreed.....for the most part.


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## CLewey44 (Apr 23, 2017)

Warrior1256 said:


> Agreed.....for the most part.



Lol...keywords, "for the most part"


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## acjohnson53 (Apr 24, 2017)

took me a minute to convince mine....But she cool with it now...


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## rpbrown (Apr 24, 2017)

Now my wife says "you* are *going to lodge aren't you"


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## acjohnson53 (Apr 24, 2017)

I'm trying to get her to become my Sista.....getting close...


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## acjohnson53 (Apr 24, 2017)

I told it for the good of Humanity.......LOL... which is true...


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## Warrior1256 (Apr 24, 2017)

rpbrown said:


> Now my wife says "you* are *going to lodge aren't you"


Lol....I've heard this from other Brothers.


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## Ripcord22A (Apr 24, 2017)

acjohnson53 said:


> I'm trying to get her to become my Sista.....getting close...


Sister wife?...lol...kidding

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## oldjumpmaster (May 19, 2017)

Warrior1256 said:


> Agreed.....for the most part.



Key word being MOST,  not always.


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## Warrior1256 (May 20, 2017)

oldjumpmaster said:


> Key word being MOST, not always.


Lol!


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## JanneProeliator (May 20, 2017)

acjohnson53 said:


> took me a minute to convince mine....But she cool with it now...


After my first lodge meeting my wife was some what sceptical and doubted if it was necessary for me to join. She asked me "what did you did there at the lodge?" I said we had a meeting and a dinner "What did you talk about there?" I said we talked about jiujitsu and music. "I mean during the meeting what did you do?" My reply was That I can't tell you. Then she asked "Do you think I would be eaven remptely interrested about what happened there?" and I replied. To be honest my dear. I don't hink you would enjoy it but I really did. After that she said. "Well it seems like you  enjoy it. You should go for it." And she has never asked again about things in side the lodge.


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## Warrior1256 (May 20, 2017)

JanneProeliator said:


> My reply was That I can't tell you. Then she asked "Do you think I would be eaven remptely interrested about what happened there?" and I replied. To be honest my dear. I don't hink you would enjoy it but I really did. After that she said. "Well it seems like you enjoy it. You should go for it." And she has never asked again about things in side the lodge.


I'm not sure that I understand. What did you learn before joining that you couldn't tell your wife.?


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## oldjumpmaster (May 20, 2017)

Warrior1256 said:


> What did you learn before joining that you couldn't tell your wife.?



That he would be associated with folks like us!


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## Ripcord22A (May 20, 2017)

Warrior1256 said:


> I'm not sure that I understand. What did you learn before joining that you couldn't tell your wife.?


I believe he was referring to his first meeting, meaning inside a tyled lodge

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## oldjumpmaster (May 20, 2017)

Ripcord22A said:


> I believe he was referring to his first meeting, meaning inside a tyled lodge



Okay I got it….He would be associated to folks like us, in a closed room guarded by someone like us, keeping people away from folks like us!!!


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## Bloke (May 20, 2017)

JanneProeliator said:


> After my first lodge meeting my wife was some what sceptical and doubted if it was necessary for me to join. She asked me "what did you did there at the lodge?" I said we had a meeting and a dinner "What did you talk about there?" I said we talked about jiujitsu and music. "I mean during the meeting what did you do?" My reply was That I can't tell you. Then she asked "Do you think I would be eaven remptely interrested about what happened there?" and I replied. To be honest my dear. I don't hink you would enjoy it but I really did. After that she said. "Well it seems like you  enjoy it. You should go for it." And she has never asked again about things in side the lodge.



My partner hears about inside lodge all the time;
Fred nailed his charge
James was JD, fantastic job
Candidate was good
Sec talked too much
Team was good or needs more work.
Awesome speech/presentation etc 

Normally is a summary with highlights.  I try to keep it positive. In 1 body, she knows all the guys, in others, some, others, none.... 

It depends on your obligation and local culture and personal attitude... but here it's pretty open. We have open investitures so she's seen some workings, completely unchanged except minus signs.

She's not really interested in what happens inside (open invests will do that lol) but she met me via lodge..... so Freemasonry been there from.the start, and knowing wonderful men who are brothers, had no fear around lodge. In fact, she pushed  me to propose our most recent MM..


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## Bill Lins (May 20, 2017)

Bloke said:


> she met me via lodge...


That sounds like it would be an interesting story!


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## Bloke (May 20, 2017)

Bill Lins said:


> That sounds like it would be an interesting story!


I always brag I joined a Fraternity and emerged with a girlfriend  Although its not that interesting, she was a friend of one of our Past Masters and very well known to that family (Dad and son are members). I'd met her several times over the years, and we went away as a group one weekend, and we met washing dishes... the rest is history


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## JanneProeliator (May 21, 2017)

Warrior1256 said:


> I'm not sure that I understand. What did you learn before joining that you couldn't tell your wife.?


That was after I joined. It was kinda like her last approval. I'm sorry if I'm not always clear with my writings because my english may not be exactly on point.


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## Warrior1256 (May 21, 2017)

JanneProeliator said:


> That was after I joined. It was kinda like her last approval. I'm sorry if I'm not always clear with my writings because my english may not be exactly on point.


Got it. My mistake.


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## Ripcord22A (May 21, 2017)

JanneProeliator said:


> That was after I joined. It was kinda like her last approval. I'm sorry if I'm not always clear with my writings because my english may not be exactly on point.


Brother- your english is better then some native speakers i know

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## JanneProeliator (May 21, 2017)

Ripcord22A said:


> Brother- your english is better then some native speakers i know
> 
> Sent from my LG-H918 using My Freemasonry mobile app


Thank you brother.


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