# Candidate's wife apprehensive



## Philos (Dec 8, 2015)

If the candidate is genuinely interested and his intentions seem to be pure, but his wife is apprehensive because she has heard some rumors about the ritual, how is that handled? It would be easy if she was staunchly against it, but if she says she's cool with him being away for meetings and wants him to do his own thing, but is obviously freaked out by what she doesn't understand, is that cause to reject a candidate?


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## phulseapple (Dec 8, 2015)

No, that would be an opportunity to have her attend an open function where she can meet the other wives and have a chance to talk with them.


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## hanzosbm (Dec 8, 2015)

Philos said:


> If the candidate is genuinely interested and his intentions seem to be pure, but his wife is apprehensive because she has heard some rumors about the ritual, how is that handled? It would be easy if she was staunchly against it, but if she says she's cool with him being away for meetings and wants him to do his own thing, but is obviously freaked out by what she doesn't understand, is that cause to reject a candidate?


I think I would do my very best to answer her questions and put her mind at ease.  If that doesn't work, I'd then ask her what WOULD put her mind at ease.  If it's possible, great, if not (i.e., she wants to know things we can't discuss) then I would simply let her know that you're unable to.  Once all of this is done, ultimately I would tell her that we feel that a man owes an obligation to his family that Masonry should never interfere with, and then ask her what she wants.  If she says no, then I would reject.  At the end of the day, she needs to decide whether she is okay with it or not.  There's no middle ground.


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## Bloke (Dec 8, 2015)

Philos said:


> ......, is that cause to reject a candidate?



While the last thing we would want to do is cause friction between husband and wife -  but this would not stop him is my first response...

How i dealt with this would depend if I knew her and how well. In any instance if she raised it with me (which I would encourage and even solicit) , I would look her in the eye and tell her _"When I joined Freemasonry, it all seemed a bit weird to me, and I promised myself if there was anything in the ritual I didn't like, I would get up, and walk out of the lodge. Thirteen years on I am a three times past master and joining Freemasonry was one of the best decisions I've ever made. It's also been great for my family, you should meet my partner, what sort of food do you like ? ...... " _ Invite to dinner... girls talk... hopefully sorted... but if not, ultimately it is for the applicant to manage his wife's concerns, not me. I can assist in explaining and providing the best example of the value of freemasonry, but that is all. I can facilitate her favourable opinion, but that's all. It's his decision if he want's to join and what effect that will have on his relationship. We want guys of sound judgment and good character, if he wanted to push forward and his wife was super resistant, he's probably on the wrong track and I might well express that opinion, but unless he showed a flaw in character during the process, I can't see how I could reject him based on his wife's opinion of Freemasonry.

I've been here. One guy I proposed, his wife said it was okay but she wanted nothing to do with lodge. And she never does formally, but last time I was at their place for dinner, 3 out of the 4 guys there were masons  and she knows it and likes them- the man in question, a good friend he has made in lodge and me. His wife understands it's value to all of us  - will drop in for wide social events (and sales) but has never been to an install or lodge dinner. She doesn't realise how strong masonry has been in keeping our friendship going... but she has called me to "get my brother on track" LOL....

Which reminds me of another wonderful story of about 5 years ago... . Another friend had a partner who wanted nothing to do with lodge. My better half wanted to go to a restaurant where they serve a banquet for 20 and I got the job of getting the folks together (it was early in our relationship and I think she was skeptical I could get the numbers)... so I'm assembling a group of about 10 couples, and drew them from two lodges and also another friend. There was nothing "masonic" about this function, just G and I wanted to go our to dinner for a banquet for 20 and I was getting the bodies together, asking couples we knew who would like it and like each other..Anyway, I asked this brother to bring his wife, he said she didnt come to lodge functions, I said it wasn't a lodge function, there just happens to be some masons coming - so don't tell her that, just ask if she wants to go to dinner with G and I and a bunch of friends... she came. Funny thing was, the bros from both lodges didn't know each other, and I'd not told them who was going, when we the boys went out for a cigarette (non smokers also came of for air), someone said something "masonic" and everyone clicked they were freemasons except for the 1 cowan we had with us, and it was all lodge talk and well met brothers. I then said it's not a lodge function and lets not talk "shop" upstairs, also mentioning how one of the brothers wives refuses to go to lodge functions, so let's not make it one.. all were happy, Freemasonry might be ever present, but it should not always be centre stage (how boring are folks who talk of nothing but lodge!)...... when we got back, the girls had all clustered together and were laughing about something obviously having a great time... anyway, we all had a great night.. I was told later the brother and his wife were on the way home and she was very enthusiastic about his friends and the night and he hit her with "everyone male there except Anthony was a freemason" and in someways it was pretty typical of a lodge social..... she was sold. When I was in the chair she even called me to complain the date I'd set for your weekend away clashed with a school reunion and she couldn't come.. she was there a few weeks ago at our bowls day and attends most functions espeically if my partner is going...  both can't make our next lodge night (christmas function with ladies) but we are out to dinner with them Sunday instead.. so much for not wanting anything to do with lodge 

Oh, and that Anthony character, it took a while, I we initiated him in November this year.

The lesson, all good things in good time


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## MarkR (Dec 9, 2015)

We should have some copies of "Is It True What They Say About Freemasonry?" by S. Brent Morris and Art DeHoyos to loan out in these situations.


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## Warrior1256 (Dec 9, 2015)

phulseapple said:


> No, that would be an opportunity to have her attend an open function where she can meet the other wives and have a chance to talk with them.





MarkR said:


> We should have some copies of "Is It True What They Say About Freemasonry?" by S. Brent Morris and Art DeHoyos to loan out in these situations.


These are excellent suggestions.


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## Glen Cook (Dec 9, 2015)

If you do open installations and it is near that time, invite her


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## Warrior1256 (Dec 12, 2015)

Glen Cook said:


> If you do open installations and it is near that time, invite her


Very good suggestion! My mother lodge had our open installation this past Monday night and a great time was had by all. I believe that this occasion would go a long way to setting the lady's mind at ease.


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## Brother JC (Dec 12, 2015)

My NM lodges do a joint open Installation every year. Partners and friends are welcome to both dinner and the event, and it goes a long way towards easing apprehension and bringing in applicants. I asked for a petition after attending an Installation myself.


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## Warrior1256 (Dec 12, 2015)

Brother JC said:


> My NM lodges do a joint open Installation every year. Partners and friends are welcome to both dinner and the event, and it goes a long way towards easing apprehension and bringing in applicants. I asked for a petition after attending an Installation myself.


Agreed. The open installations would be a great way to present The Craft to someone that may be ill at ease with it.


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## Pscyclepath (Dec 13, 2015)

We do open installations, and also have an open house/family night event each month, where candidates, friends, and families can meet with us, hang out, and get a better idea of what we're all about.  The idea is to light our light shine outside the lodge door, and hopefully invite folks in...

Another tactic is to let them look at a "Masonic Bible," to show that it is little different, and no different in the places where it counts than a regular old KJV edition.   The Monitor can be read by anyone, and that can help settle some qualms as well.


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## Warrior1256 (Dec 14, 2015)

Pscyclepath said:


> Another tactic is to let them look at a "Masonic Bible," to show that it is little different, and no different in the places where it counts than a regular old KJV edition.


Yes, I have heard of people stating that Masons "have their own bible" meaning that we have a different one from the standard King James version.


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## pointwithinacircle2 (Dec 14, 2015)

Pscyclepath said:


> Another tactic is to let them look at a "Masonic Bible," to show that it is little different, and no different in the places where it counts than a regular old KJV edition.   The Monitor can be read by anyone, and that can help settle some qualms as well.


I have a Masonic Bible.  While I do not claim to be a Bible scholar, I have not noticed any differences from the KJV.  Could you please explain tell me where to locate these differences.  Thanks.


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## Bloke (Dec 14, 2015)

I have a "Masonic Bible" - it is simply a KJV with a Square and Compass on the front and preambles on Degrees before the OT starts...


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## Warrior1256 (Dec 15, 2015)

Bloke said:


> I have a "Masonic Bible" - it is simply a KJV with a Square and Compass on the front and preambles on Degrees before the OT starts...


This is what I have been told. The scripture its self is unchanged.


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