# Getting weird vibes at first meeting.



## kclee6337 (Jul 20, 2014)

I've long been interested in Freemasonry since I was 5 years old. Almost twenty years now I've had a fascination, border line obsessed over it. I recently moved for college and decided to finally look into joining freemasonry. In the city I'm living in now there are 4 lodges. I contacted one that seemed the most friendly and active lodges. They told me to come to lunch and an open meeting for installing officers for the next year.

I had always imagined in my mind going to the lodge for the first time would be a spectacular experience. I imagined everyone would want to meet the new person, and me being a younger person they would jump on the chance to get someone to petition their lodge. Maybe I had just played up the warm welcome in my mind to much that what I experienced had severely let me down.

Upon walking in the lodge several people just looked at me awkwardly as if shocked to see someone new. I sheepishly asked where the lunch would be and was directed to the adjacent room. Going in the room for lunch, I felt as if I was the new kid in high school. I got polite smiles from some people but I could almost see in there face that I was certainly not welcome. Others looked at me in a confused manner, bewildered that I was at their lodge. After sitting there for an hour by myself not saying a word to anyone, my hopes were dashed. I had imagined a "brotherly love" in the lodge, but I felt nothing of the sort. The meeting for installing officers was awe inspiring to me and only fueled my passion for wanting to join freemasonry. Since the meeting I have looked around of Facebook for masons in my area inquiring on how to go about becoming one and any information at all on the matter. The joy of Facebook is you can see that people have read your messages, and I haven't gotten a response from anyone. I feel as if I'm getting shut out from a club I so desperately want to be apart of. 

I've always wanted to join freemasonry to call others brothers and to be apart of something bigger than myself. I've always had a passion for helping others and doing charity work and so has my girlfriend, hopefully soon to be wife. She has also expressed an interest in OES.

Is my experience here normal. Do I have to already have a friend to join freemasonry? I don't know any freemasons in my hometown, and the only people I know here are my teachers which none of them are masons. Am I out of luck, or should I keep trying and maybe visit one of the other lodges in my town?


----------



## jjjjjggggg (Jul 20, 2014)

Please don't let this experience dissuade you. The folks that make up freemasonry come from all sorts of different backgrounds and join for different reasons. Don't let their enthusiasm or lack there of push you away. 

Ideally, freemasonry is a wonderful organization full of great folks, but each have their own set of foibles and quirks. If your intent is noble then your pursuit will be found laudable.

 I'd check out the other lodges and visit them a few times. Don't wait on them to immediately run over to shake your hand. In fact, go to them and introduce yourself. Find a way to break the ice and start a conversation. 

Stay away from anything on the internet that "reveals the secrets" but there are lots of online resources and study materials. This is a good place to look around. Your heart is the first place you are prepared to be made a mason.

Good luck and keep us posted... and hopefully soon we can call you brother!


----------



## JJones (Jul 20, 2014)

Hello! Let me be one of the first to welcome you to our forums. 

It's unfortunate that your first experience didn't live up to the expectations you had set but I find that's easy to do when really looking forward to something.  My advise would be to check out other lodges in your area and see if you feel more at home with the brothers there.

I also have to ask: Did you introduce/talk to anyone while you were visiting?  Most brothers aren't rude people but they're not all out-going either.  Social interaction is a two-way street and, while I'd never want a visitor to sit by himself at my lodge for an hour, sometimes you get out what you put in.

Also, you mention joining to do charity however our fraternity is not a charity.  I don't know if that's your main reason for joining but it caught my eye.  I'd ask that you check out this link, not to be discouraging, but to insure that our fraternity is what you're looking for.


----------



## kclee6337 (Jul 20, 2014)

Thank your for your responses. I did try to engage in some conversation, but I seemed to have been a bother. The lodge meets twice a week and I understand wanting to talk to someone you would already know and have things in common with than talk to the new person sitting next to you. Mostly I sat next to people almost like a fly on the wall eavesdropping on their conversations and every now and then chiming in and giving my 2 cents. I just noticed the lodge I visited does their fair share of charity work and I'm well aware of other avenues to doing charity work. 

I've always had an elevated view of freemasons. The few that I've known in the past (all passed away now) were some of the most noble men with impeccable character. I've always wanted to be counted as one of those men.


----------



## Levelhead (Jul 20, 2014)

Did you call someome and make an appointment to come down? If so did you meet and were you greeted by the person whom you spoke to? Usually you call, say you would like to pettition, when you walk in you will meet the person whom you talked to and they will introduce you around. 

Thats how my first experience went. Smiles, happy words and cheerfull people.

Also remember brotherly love is spread to other brothers. You are not yet imformed and not a brother. 

So id use the word, friendly welcome!

Hope you find a lodge that works out!


----------



## jjjjjggggg (Jul 20, 2014)

Levelhead brings up a good point. Some guys may be gun shy because every now and then you get a weirdo who walks in hoping that by joining they will learn all the secrets to riches and wealth, or they want to join the Illuminati. These days you never know who is gonna walk through the doors.


----------



## Morris (Jul 20, 2014)

Did you notice how they interacted with one another?  When I visit lodges this is something I always observe. 
For me, if people at lodge seem to have a comfortableness and friendship amongst each other then I would probably have the same as a member.   


Jeff


----------



## Mike Martin (Jul 21, 2014)

Let me put it to you this way, next time will be better as you will not have quite such high expectations and they will have seen your face before.

Social interaction is social interaction whether it's connected to a Lodge of Freemasons or not. The fraternal bonds that we have do not just appear, they are forged once we have gone through the "common experience" of all Freemason that of being Initiated into a Lodge.

Fear not, you just need to persevere.


----------



## dfreybur (Jul 21, 2014)

The level of friendliness towards non-members is different at each lodge and it is not correlated with how active a lodge is.

On the one hand I became a Mason knowing I'd be one for life so there's no hurry getting to know the guys at my local lodges.  It allows me to be more outgoing at lodge than I am elsewhere (yet one more way we make good men better incidentally).

On the other hand when my wife attends open events she's more concerned about the ladies including new comers in their conversations.  I have selected lodges to affiliate with based on how well my wife was received by the ladies at open events.

So while I don't have any specific advice I know it happens and I sympathize.


----------



## pointwithinacircle2 (Jul 21, 2014)

Please allow me to offer an alternative interpretation of your first experience at a Masonic Lodge.  Perhaps what you have had is an excellent introduction to Masonry.  You have already learned some of the most important lessons in Freemasonry. 

First, that no one is going to do it for you.  It will be up to you to make the Masonic experience into what you want it to be.  If you want your fellow Masons to know how to stick out their hand and introduce themselves, it may be up to you to teach them by example.  In doing this you will discover the first secret of Freemasonry which is; how to do, what you need to do, to become the person that you want to be. 

Second, not everyone wants what you want.  Today I am friends with many Masons who want different things in life than I want.  This does not make either of us good or bad.  It simply means we have different things to contribute to the world, the Lodge, and our friendship.

Third, just as expectations are often wrong, help often comes from unexpected sources.  Please continue to post as you progress and let us know what you learn along the way.


----------



## Glen Cook (Jul 21, 2014)

What a disappointment that must have been.  It is not the experience I have seen.  I would join in the other responses: try this lodge again and look at other Lodges.  Ask for the person who invited you.
I am surprised the Lodge meets twice a week.  Perhaps it has lunch twice a week?
Have you considered a college fraternity?


----------



## Radical540 (Jul 24, 2014)

Glen Cook said:


> What a disappointment that must have been.  It is not the experience I have seen.  I would join in the other responses: try this lodge again and look at other Lodges.  Ask for the person who invited you.
> I am surprised the Lodge meets twice a week.  Perhaps it has lunch twice a week?
> Have you considered a college fraternity?


I'm curious why this would be a surprise?


----------



## MarkR (Jul 25, 2014)

Radical540 said:


> I'm curious why this would be a surprise?


Around here, once or twice a month is more routine.


----------



## admarcus1 (Jul 25, 2014)

MarkR said:


> Around here, once or twice a month is more routine.


Once or twice a month does not sound unusual. We only meet once a month, but I wish it were more. 

Once or twice a week, though, seems unusual. Assuming it wasn't mistyped, I wonder if that includes less formal gatherings, fellowship nights or breakfasts or whatnot. 


Sent From My Freemasonry Pro App


----------



## Glen Cook (Jul 25, 2014)

Radical540 said:


> I'm curious why this would be a surprise?


Because it is not consistent with my experience in Freemasonry which, while not as extensive as some, is fairly broad. Lodge meetings twice a month or even four times a month for degree meetings and rehearsals is not uncommon, but actual Lodge meetings twice a week is not something I've seen.


----------



## dfreybur (Jul 25, 2014)

Radical540 said:


> I'm curious why this would be a surprise?



Most lodges I know have meetings "any" week rather than "every" week.

I know plenty of lodges that list meetings every week.  Weeks that don't have a Stated, dinner or degree are automatically listed as practices.  When I was in the line in my mother lodge some of these practices had such low attendance that both of us went for coffee and shot the breeze for a couple of hours talking history and philosophy.

I know only one lodge that has meetings twice per week.  They are extremely active in their town.  Many are practices, small social events, degrees, work parties.  Visit them most months.  I was surprised when I first heard they have two meetings per week.


----------



## Radical540 (Jul 25, 2014)

Glen Cook said:


> Because it is not consistent with my experience in Freemasonry which, while not as extensive as some, is fairly broad. Lodge meetings twice a month or even four times a month for degree meetings and rehearsals is not uncommon, but actual Lodge meetings twice a week is not something I've seen.


Our lodge meets once every week.   One week is the business meeting, and the other 3 weeks of the month is set for either degree work/rehersals, or simply masonic education (which we could  all use a helping of on a regular cadence to stay fresh!)


----------



## bezobrazan (Jul 25, 2014)

Don't let it deflate you. It's really about how bad you want it. A lot of people come through our doors curious but not totally committed. Keep going, keep showing up, keep asking and show them that this is what you truly want. 

Brotherhood is built by commitment.


----------



## Glen Cook (Jul 25, 2014)

dfreybur said:


> Most lodges I know have meetings "any" week rather than "every" week.
> ....
> 
> I know only one lodge that has meetings twice per week.  They are extremely active in their town.  Many are practices, small social events, degrees, work parties.  Visit them most months.  I was surprised when I first heard they have two meetings per week.



Wow.  Great for them, but that's a tough schedule.


----------



## JJones (Jul 26, 2014)

Let's be clear: Are we talking about opening and closing a lodge once a week, or meeting -at- the lodge once a week?  There's a significant difference there and I want to see if we're all on the same page on this.


----------



## Pscyclepath (Jul 26, 2014)

Depends on the individual lodges.   Here in AR, we still have a fair number of lodges that have bi-monthly stated meetings (e.g., the 1st and 3rd Tuesdays), but the _norm_ is one stated meeting per month, with the other days used for ritual practice, candidate instruction, or just plain coffee drinking and fellowship, or all of the above...


----------



## kclee6337 (Jul 26, 2014)

Im sorry I meant twice a month for official meetings. But often throughout the week they had unofficial get togethers for "studying"?

Thank you everyone for your feedback. Im not even close to giving up. In two week the lodges in the area and surrounding towns will be having their meetings and I plan on going to as many as I can. I'll keep everyone updated.


----------



## Rick Carver (Jul 28, 2014)

KCLEE, are you in the Kansas City area? If so, we need to talk.

I can honestly say that the body of Freemasonry has never disappointed me, but its members have. I am sure the same can be said by some of my Brothers about me. The best advice I can offer is to put your faith in the Craft. The Light that is there is for you to learn and to use.  The initiatic experience of Freemasonry, if conveyed precisely as stated in our ritual, contains all the elements necessary for candidates to attain an understanding of Masonic Light, even when those providing the Degrees do not themselves fully understand this_. _This is a nice way of saying that there may be a few jerks, but the basic information is still there for you to grasp. Go for it.


----------



## Warrior1256 (Aug 14, 2014)

bezobrazan said:


> Don't let it deflate you. It's really about how bad you want it. A lot of people come through our doors curious but not totally committed. Keep going, keep showing up, keep asking and show them that this is what you truly want.
> 
> Brotherhood is built by commitment.


Sounds like a good plan and good advice.


----------



## louise evans (Aug 17, 2014)

Lol





jamie.guinn said:


> Levelhead brings up a good point. Some guys may be gun shy because every now and then you get a weirdo who walks in hoping that by joining they will learn all the secrets to riches and wealth, or they want to join the Illuminati. These days you never know who is gonna walk through the doors.


----------

