# ideas



## Challenger72 (Aug 22, 2011)

What would you say to your family who do not want you to become a mason?


----------



## Bro. David F. Hill (Aug 22, 2011)

I would have to ask why?  Is there a reason that I may not be aware of.


----------



## Challenger72 (Aug 22, 2011)

Im facing religious arguments, arguments that i don't have enough time as it is,so i shouldn't spend it at lodge or study for degrees, and just other general opposition.


----------



## choppersteve03 (Aug 22, 2011)

Don't listen to"them",follow your heart not the herd.


----------



## chancerobinson (Aug 22, 2011)

I think this question depends upon who is voicing the opposition.  If it is your wife then you should resolve any concerns she may have, prior to petitioning the lodge.  You will need her support to be an active Mason and not a Mason in name only.  You might need to consider reapportioning your time, or possibly you should consider waiting a year or two if you will have more time then to devote to becoming *and being* a Mason.

Regardless of who the opposition originates from you should prayerfully consider this decision as it is a lifelong commitment, but also realize that arguing with someone opposed to our fraternity will solve nothing.  You must show our detractors the good effects of Freemasonry by your actions every day, and yet even then they may hold to a biased view of our Order.

As has been recommended in another recent thread, do your homework.  A good book to read about Freemasonry and our detractors specifically those with religious objections, is _A Pilgrim's Path_ by John J. Robinson it is available online for $10-15.


----------



## Huw (Aug 23, 2011)

I really sympathise, Challenger.

I knew in advance that one relative (not my wife) is a hard-core anti-masonic nut, so I avoided arguments simply by not telling her. To make sure that no-one else would tell her, I also had to avoid telling any other relative except my wife. Fortunately my (then-)wife came from a masonic family, so she was very supportive. So far as I'm aware, the relative I couldn't tell still doesn't know, and she lives a few hours away so there's a reasonable chance that she won't find out. There'll be a terrible argument if she does find out.

Of course, this doesn't help you, Challenger, since your family already knows you plan to join. I suppose the way to handle it depends on what sort of relationship your have with these relatives. My gut reaction with religious objectors is to tell them the truth, which is "All the stories you've been fed are lies and frauds, you know nothing real about freemasonry and are speaking in ignorance against good men and true, so all your objections are complete rubbish, and you ought to pray for forgiveness". However, of course I've never been faced with the prospect of saying that to family, which would obviously be very awkward. The not-enough-time objection perhaps deserves more serious discussion, if there's any chance that it might be true. Freemasonry does take up time, especially at first when you're learning.

If one of the objectors is your wife, then don't join unless you can resolve her objections, we really don't want to be a source of dispute between man and wife. If your wife (if you're married, I don't know) is okay about it, then you could legitimately consider ignoring the objections of the others, provided you're satisfied that they're wrong. Nevertheless, try to figure out how badly they'll take it and what impact this might have on your family relationships. If it looks minor, then go right ahead and join, they'll get over it and come round later when they see what a good thing it actually is. If it looks so bad that it'll break up the family, then heck, we don't want to be the cause of that, don't join. Somewhere in between, well, judgment call ... good luck.

Best,

Huw


----------



## Challenger72 (Aug 23, 2011)

I am in the middle of A pilgrims path now. What a great read. The objections are from my wife and Mom and Dad, as well as my church. I just feel this is something I really want to do.


----------



## Bro. David F. Hill (Aug 23, 2011)

Have a straight talk with them together.  Do your reseach first and then ask them what their objections are and then calmly address each as best you can.  Most objections have been made many times before so there is information out there to give you guidance.  Much comes from the Expose` on television that show a slanted view of our organization.  what many shows don't tell is that most of the lessons we learn are taken from scripture.


----------



## Txmason (Aug 23, 2011)

I would do what makes you happy. Freemasonry is a wonderful organization. I would rather see you become a brother than wonder what might have happened if you yielded to those who say you shouldn't join. Most are uneducated about masonry and thus do not or will not take the time to learn about masonry. I have had similar problems when trying to date a woman. They do not want to take the time to ask questions and understand. My advice is to petition the lodge and go for it. You'll be happy you did. 

What lodge are you petitioning? Where are you from?

Best,
Jerry


----------



## Huw (Aug 23, 2011)

Hi Challenger.



Challenger72 said:


> The objections are from my wife and Mom and Dad, as well as my church. I just feel this is something I really want to do.


Ouch, that's bad.  I was hoping maybe it was a cousin, or an aunt, or someone else not quite so close as your wife and parents.

Well, for the moment, the advice has to be don't rush into joining yet, you can't ignore objections from such close relatives.

I second the advice in the post above - prepare as well you can with accurate information, then sit down with your family and talk.  If you don't initially succeed in convincing them, then respect their wishes and hold off joining for the time being.  Freemasonry is a wonderful movement to be part of, but it's not worth risking your family relationships for it - one of our teachings is quite specifically that your duty to your family comes first, so it'd be quite wrong to join under your current circumstances.

However, since it's evident that your parents are still alive, I assume you're still a reasonably young man.  Therefore you've got plenty of time, you can take a gradual approach.  If you can't persuade them now, give it time, keep researching the subject and learning about what we do and what we stand for, and tackle the subject with your wife and parents again in a year or two - another of our teachings is the value of patience, so you can regard this delay as "getting some practice in" before you've even joined.  Also, it might turn out that some of the circumstances might change, such as their objection about you not having time to be a freemason - in a year or two, maybe your life will have moved on a little and they'll be able to see that you might be able to spare some time.

I'm not sure what to say about the objection from your church.  Of course we know that some churches do object to us, but different churches raise different types of objection, and some merely disapprove whilst others will expel you.  In most cases their objections are based on false information and misunderstandings, but obviously I don't know which particular objections your own church raises.  Some churches even accuse us of being satanists (which is of course utter rubbish!), while other churches merely advise against joining any fellowship which admits non-Christian members (which is of course true, we do admit men of various religions, although in the US most are naturally Christians).  If you can explain to us what sort of objections your own church raises, then perhaps we might be able to offer some advice on what's fact and what's nonsense.

Best of luck,

Huw


----------



## JJones (Aug 23, 2011)

I would do my best to resolve their issues and come to some sort of honest understanding.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but if this isn't possible then you may find you don't enjoy Freemasonry as much as you might if you had the support of your family.


----------



## choppersteve03 (Aug 23, 2011)

I dont know dude, i would iron thigs out with the wife and join.I would not let my church or parents stand in my way,you can find another church and your parents will get over it and except it eventualy. Iam not saying to abandon your religon,just find a more excepting church,close minded people come in many forms. If it comes to it just be subversive about it. Only person that needs to know is your wife.


----------



## Preston DuBose (Aug 24, 2011)

It's awesome that you're interested in joining the fraternity, but the best advice I've read is to just take it slow. Unless you have some sort of terminal disease, time is on your side. What's another six months or a year when you have decades ahead of you? Read some reputable books, discuss things with your wife a little bit at a time, and reassure her you're not going to rush into anything. Mostly, she probably just needs reassurance that you're not going to be brainwashed and turned into some evil facsimile of the man she married. Try to get to know some other Masons in your area. Your church's objections aside, there may very well be a member among the congregation. See if you can find someone your wife knows personally and respects who is a Mason. Same for your parents. Sometimes it takes outside reassurance.


----------



## Challenger72 (Aug 24, 2011)

This is all good advice. I am only 27 so i do have time. Im just really excited to begin my journey for light. I think I will take the advice and try to go slow and hopefully get everyone on board. My church probably won't and I know there are no masons because our congregation only has 30 people! Thanks for all the help.


----------



## choppersteve03 (Aug 24, 2011)

Good luck and i hope tings work out for you,you sound like a very considerate man,and remember to wait the time with patients,your day will come.


----------



## M.M.Wood (Aug 25, 2011)

I meet my wife while we were both working in Iraq as contractors and she is from Eastern Europe, Romania to be exact. She knew very little about Masons and Masonry in general. Her father did have reservations about Masons but they were based on things he had heard. When I was investigated brothers from the lodge came to the house and I told my wife that while they are here is the time to ask anything you want. She dis ask them a few questions that put her at ease. I wouldn't really worry about anyone's opinion other than my wife. As I have grown up I have come to realize that other family members, while important, don't play a big role in my day to day life.
Just my 2 cents.


----------



## robert leachman (Aug 26, 2011)

Do a little family history and see if there are any Masons on all sides.
Maybe your parents had a bad experience with some family member, before you were born or old enough to remember.  Same with your wife.
Then again, you might find a mason in there that they looked up admired.


----------



## JTM (Aug 28, 2011)

I had some responses but the other gents on this forum have covered all of those bases.  I wish you the best on your journeys, no matter the decision you make.


----------



## Raymond Walters (Sep 1, 2011)

Hmmm... I like the question posed but in truth, I do not have an answer to it. Though I come from a family with a longtime connection to Freemasonry, I have family members on both sides of my family that have not spoken to me since 1988 because I chose to petition to become a Freemason.


----------



## jwhoff (Sep 4, 2011)

Challenger72 said:


> I am in the middle of A pilgrims path now. What a great read. The objections are from my wife and Mom and Dad, as well as my church. I just feel this is something I really want to do.




Objections from your wife should be taken with all seriousness. 

You share too many things as a couple to ignore something as serious as a walk in masonry.  Talk it out.  Tell her why you feel there is a need in your life that has not been satisfied.  Tell her masonry will be a new partner in the relationship, because it will.  She's still number one and masonry doesn't want you if she and any children aren't first.  

You must come to an agreement.  Now and for all time.  There's no switching this decision.  It will create strife otherwise.  

I can't tell you what her final answer to you will be.  I know of many good men, including my father-in-law, who wished to be masons but never made the commitment because their wives would not agree.  Personally, I think those wives made a mistake.  But, life is never totally fair to any of us.

Here's hoping you are free to follow your will.  Here's hoping light, upon coming light graces your path forward.

God bless.


----------



## Nate Riley (Sep 4, 2011)

jwhoff said:


> Objections from your wife should be taken with all seriousness.
> 
> You share too many things as a couple to ignore something as serious as a walk in masonry.  Talk it out.  Tell her why you feel there is a need in your life that has not been satisfied.  Tell her masonry will be a new partner in the relationship, because it will.  She's still number one and masonry doesn't want you if she and any children aren't first.
> 
> You must come to an agreement.  Now and for all time.  There's no switching this decision.  It will create strife otherwise.



This is key!  Family relationships are very important and you should consider the reprocussions of joining.  So, you have to decide if a break in the relationship with your parents is worth it.  The relationship with your wife is paramount and if you think joining the fraternity will cause any trouble, you should not do it.  

Pilgrims Path is a great book and will give you a great amount of insight into the issue. At your young age, it is unlikely that you will convince your parents or your Church, but the information will be good for your own information and your discussions with your wife.  I think it is a bad thing, but a lot of our Church Family are very into books (often more than the Biblehmy and are very easily convinced by those books.  So, the writings of men like Pat Robertson, who is often very respected by Christians, have a lot of weight.  I am not saying that books on Christian living are not good resources, but those that are opposed to Freemasonry are a huge hurdle for your argument.


----------



## Challenger72 (Sep 4, 2011)

Ya im not sure if i will be able to join or not. Taking everything one baby step at a time.


----------



## Txmason (Sep 4, 2011)

Add Content


----------



## Txmason (Sep 4, 2011)

I echo choppersteve, follow your heart. You'll be surprised where you will go.


----------



## bpire2002 (Sep 5, 2011)

Challenger72 said:


> This is all good advice. I am only 27 so i do have time. Im just really excited to begin my journey for light. I think I will take the advice and try to go slow and hopefully get everyone on board. My church probably won't and I know there are no masons because our congregation only has 30 people! Thanks for all the help.



first, discuss with your wife what worries her about joining. Here's the nuts and bolts to becoming a mason, its a fraternity of good men, of like minds, who believe in god. thats it. 99% of internet research of masonry is misleading and flat out wrong. Bring your wife to lodge one night and let her meet the brothers and ask any questions about the fraternity.


----------



## robert leachman (Sep 5, 2011)

Better yet, bring her on a 
"family night" so she can meet the wives and girlfriends of the Masons!


----------



## jwhoff (Sep 5, 2011)

Please follow these last suggestions.  *Don't give up without both of you exploring the issue together.* 

Let the preacher know the only two opinions that matter in your house belong to you and your spouse.  He may not want to bite the hand that feeds him.  They seldom do.  He can easily be replaced.

As you may well note, I'm a big believer of separation of church, state, and my own conscious.  That's pretty much a masonic trait among most of the brethren.


----------

