# What exactly is the expectation for spouse and family involvement?



## MarkfromMD (Jul 9, 2020)

My father was a Mason and I failed to realize just how involved he was until after he passed and I was looking through all his papers.  He was very involved with the Scottish Rite.  When I was growing up he never talked about Freemasonry; I’m sure we never even had a single conversation about it.  Looking back it was almost like a secret, in that it just didn’t come up, although I did know he was a mason.  Now I see that there was an entire side of him that I didn’t know, and I can’t help but feel like I missed out on sharing something with my dad that could have been important to both of us.

I’ve had an interest in joining for several years now.  I’m in my fifties, married with three kids.  In looking at Masonic websites like this one, I see over and over that there seems to be a push to get entire families involved in lodge activities.  I believe the Grand Lodge of Maryland is quite upfront about this.  Here’s the thing: my kids have lives and interests of their own that don’t always align with their parent’s interests.  And my wife is pretty accomplished in her career, and heavily involved in career-related organizations of her own, frequently holding leadership positions in those organizations.  She will not be interested in anything related to my Masonic activities.  Moreover, this is something I want to do for myself.  This interests_ me.  _I want to dive in to the philosophy and hear papers presented, and maybe write my own.  And be a part of a tradition that long predates my own life and times.  And maybe know my dad a little better in the process.  

While my wife won’t object to my joining, and would even support it, I just don’t see a lot of family involvement.  How much do wives and kids actually participate, and is there an expectation that they will?


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## TheThumbPuppy (Jul 9, 2020)

Over here, It's hardly a requirement and there's no expectation. The only way they could participate is at the annual open day, where they could join in a lecture and dinner. At my Lodge's open day last year, about ⅓ of the brothers brought their spouse and very few their children.

Some Lodges have more social events than others at which family members can attend, if they wish to do so. You may like to investigate the character of your local Lodge(s), some are very social, some very charity-oriented, some more philosophical, etc. It's important that you find the right lodge for yourself.

During the interview process it is very likely that one of the interviews will be held at your home and they will want to ask your spouse if he/she supports your wish to become a Freemason.

Regarding listening to papers being presented, or presenting your own, you'll possibly want to join a research lodge after you've been raised to MM. I'm also looking forward to joining our local research lodge.

In my opinion, you have the right attitude. That is something you want to do for yourself, and by improving yourself, you affect those around you and the environment where you live and work.


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## Glen Cook (Jul 9, 2020)

There is no requirement that your family be involved.  There is often an expectation in elected grand and national offices that your spouse come to banquets, but still not a requirement.


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## Bloke (Jul 16, 2020)

I'm just gonna say, read the two posts above and join Freemasonry.


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