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The best of enemies
- Thread starter JMartinez
- Start date
Dontrell Stroman
Premium Member
Me being the youngest brother in our lodge, I typically don't say much because the elders in the lodge deal with it. I've seen our JW and WM straighten some brothers out.
NY.Light.II
Registered User
On another note, the film "Best of Enemies" about the Buckley-Vidal feud is quite impressive.
This is a weakness for me. I have an intense dislike for bullies any place in life, but it seems particularly out of place in our "gentle craft."
There is, I think, no one answer for each situation. In some cases, humor works. I was reminded tonight of an occasion some 15 years when I argued against a brother's motion, his motion was defeated, and he called me an SOB. I responded, "That's Brother SOB." The LGCDR of AASR-SJ thought it funny.
Being very kind to the person, sincerely, can change attitudes. I have, on more than one occasion, apologized for whatever I have done to anger the brother. Similarly, an individual for whom I had hard feelings, sent me a card when my son was near death (my son survived). That softened my heart. Well, until the next time he was a jerk.
Making an effort to find common ground on matters can change the relationship. This means engaging the individual, which requires humility and putting aside your distaste.
Sometimes, a quiet word explaining your perceptions of their behavior suffices. It may need to be done with others who agree the behavior should stop. I did this when there was a perception religious animus motivated a brother. This motive was denied, but he knew we were on to him.
Sometimes, you have to pull rank by having a senior member simply be present. I recollect attending a lodge on more than one occasion because three PMs (one the Secretary) were bullying a new WM. Like many bullies, they tend to behave in the presence of perceived authority. Eventually those three left the lodge and it is now a pleasant, active lodge.
Others who agree with you may need to act to remove the person from office or otherwise prevent him from exercising organizational power. I often find the bully then leaves the lodge and may actually be a better Mason elsewhere.
I suggest the last resort to change their behavior is to publicly challenge the person's behavior. I have done this, it can be successful, but it can make an enemy of the individual and his allies and disrupt the group for years. It can stop the behavior, but at risk of other harm.
On occasions, you may just need to leave the group for your own mental health. We are to have joy in our Masonry. We may need to find it elsewhere.
We are a bit bipolar in our fraternity. I have seen lodges fight over pie. Yes, really, pie. Yet, to hearken back to my son's illness, I venture that any brother at all would have come to his bedside regardless of their ill nature. Or their views of pie.
End of old man ramble.
There is, I think, no one answer for each situation. In some cases, humor works. I was reminded tonight of an occasion some 15 years when I argued against a brother's motion, his motion was defeated, and he called me an SOB. I responded, "That's Brother SOB." The LGCDR of AASR-SJ thought it funny.
Being very kind to the person, sincerely, can change attitudes. I have, on more than one occasion, apologized for whatever I have done to anger the brother. Similarly, an individual for whom I had hard feelings, sent me a card when my son was near death (my son survived). That softened my heart. Well, until the next time he was a jerk.
Making an effort to find common ground on matters can change the relationship. This means engaging the individual, which requires humility and putting aside your distaste.
Sometimes, a quiet word explaining your perceptions of their behavior suffices. It may need to be done with others who agree the behavior should stop. I did this when there was a perception religious animus motivated a brother. This motive was denied, but he knew we were on to him.
Sometimes, you have to pull rank by having a senior member simply be present. I recollect attending a lodge on more than one occasion because three PMs (one the Secretary) were bullying a new WM. Like many bullies, they tend to behave in the presence of perceived authority. Eventually those three left the lodge and it is now a pleasant, active lodge.
Others who agree with you may need to act to remove the person from office or otherwise prevent him from exercising organizational power. I often find the bully then leaves the lodge and may actually be a better Mason elsewhere.
I suggest the last resort to change their behavior is to publicly challenge the person's behavior. I have done this, it can be successful, but it can make an enemy of the individual and his allies and disrupt the group for years. It can stop the behavior, but at risk of other harm.
On occasions, you may just need to leave the group for your own mental health. We are to have joy in our Masonry. We may need to find it elsewhere.
We are a bit bipolar in our fraternity. I have seen lodges fight over pie. Yes, really, pie. Yet, to hearken back to my son's illness, I venture that any brother at all would have come to his bedside regardless of their ill nature. Or their views of pie.
End of old man ramble.
Ripcord22A
Site Benefactor
Bro Glen these are the vest words on bullying ive ever read. Its so refreshing to see someone say to confront it...im so tired of all this stomp out bullying talk, texh people to deal with it while teching them to be good people