I think you have a better approach to it and it covers a larger area while still addressing the main issue at hand. It also put everyone on notice without it appearing to be a direct threat, though it actually is.
Personally I don't really care about the color of the skin and neither should Masonry. If we go back to the oath that we all took it should be the Internal and not the External qualities that qualify a man to be a mason. I understand that there will be some elder masons that might disagree with that and might even leave the lodge cause of a black or African American is voted in but I would rather lose some elder members of the lodge for a good cause. Racism still exists but it should not in our fraternity. This is a step that needs to be taken and a move forward. Its the 21st century people not the 12th.:11: