Some points I that stood out to me:
“43-year-old Benjamin Orion Carlson Kohlman claimed to hear voices in his head last spring telling him to burn down the Masonic halls because the Masons and the Illuminati were engaging in mind control of other people.”
Yup. He caught us! Doing evil mind control things, like getting people to eat pancakes and be good members of the community. Good lord, for once, could someone please come up with an original conspiracy theory? Nah, let me just listen to the advice from those, extra voices and burn down that evil IHOP.
“Kohlman claimed to police that he had set the fires to call attention to the Masons and Illuminati in order to "stop their mind control." He also claimed that the Canadian Security Intelligence Service had implanted a tracking device in his head.”
Ahh, yes. The ol’ tracking device implant, because our entire lives aren’t already stuffed into the internet. Let me guess, they’re after his super-secret stash of crack?
“Admitting that on the day of the crime, he was under the influence of ecstasy and marijuana.”
Well, it looks like I was partially wrong. It was ecstasy; the stuff that fries your brain, and is made with crack. This is clearly, a man who knows what he’s talking about. The Masons and lizard people made him do drugs too.
All jokes asideI'm glad no one was hurt, and I hope the Pancake Vigilante get some help.