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Brotherly Advice

BEDickey

Premium Member
Hello Brethren, long time member, low level poster here. I have a situation I would appreciate your advice on. I'm currently in the South, looking at the West this coming year. I recently had a meeting with my Lodges current WM and SD (incoming WM) in which they expressed some strong concerns about me moving into the West. Among the concerns are my communication (I rarely check email, my phone carriers service is spotty at best, but I respond to text as soon as I am able), my punctuality (well founded in some situations, but not on days I get home from work at 6:30pm and need to be at lodge for 7:30pm), and the many friends I have in my local Bar Scene (I'm a member of a very popular social club in my city, and my manner of dress (Kilts almost exclusively) makes me stand out to everyone, along with accusations of alcoholism)
Words such as "lack of trust" and "suspicion" were levied in my direction.

They have basically given me 2 options, stay another year in the South, or move to the West in a "provisional" status. I advanced a 3rd option, that I step out of the line entirely due to the concerns surrounding me. Needless to say they tried hard to dissuade me from that due to the needs of the Lodge.

I should state that 2020 was a rough year for me, (mother died due to drink, I was hit by a car while bicycling) and I had thought that with everything going on I was doing well in my recovery this year.

Needless to say this has thrown me for a loop. Part of me wants to just walk away, part of me wants to move to the West, none of me wants to repeat the South. I'll gladly give any more data needed, and appreciate any advice you care to share.

Travel Light,
Brandon D.

Never meddle in the affairs of dragons as they are subtle and quick to anger, & you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
 

Glen Cook

G A Cook
Site Benefactor
Since you asked….

It appears from your candid comments they have a cause for concern. It also appears they handled it as masons should. They didn’t go behind your back. They met with you and proposed solution. Further, the solutions are ones that let you remain an elected officer.
While I’m not sure how one takes an elected office on a “provisional” basis, it seems remaining as JW would be an opportunity to prove your ability assume further responsibility. I’m not sure why you don’t want to do so. I think it will give you greater understanding of the lodge. You have decades in front of you. I wish I had waited and taken a pass in some masonic opportunities.

If I may, why do you go home first before going to lodge?

why aren’t you checking email? Can you change that behavior?

Can you get a better carrier in your area?

Have you asked that text be the primary mode of communication? I will admit that in one of the bodies in which I’m involved I avoid some individuals’ calls and ask them to text instead. But you have to communicate that.

Are you getting drunk at the club?

If these are their concerns, those don’t see invincible.

Rememer, you did ask. .
 

BEDickey

Premium Member
"If I may, why do you go home first before going to lodge?"

I work in bottling, spirits specifically. I often need a quick shower so I don't reek of booze before Lodge, and always need to change into my suit. I should also state I ride my bicycle exclusively, and often get rides from brethren to the Lodge Hall. This is what causes them to end up waiting on me as I rush to get ready.

"why aren’t you checking email? Can you change that behavior?"

I've never been one to check email, unless I have to for a login situation, or to write an email to someone. I have asked them to text me instead but it rarely happens. This is something I am working on.

"Can you get a better carrier in your area?"

Not for the price I am paying, and I don't currently have the means to pay more for service, I'm still recovering financially from being hit by a car last year.

"Have you asked that text be the primary mode of communication? I will admit that in one of the bodies in which I’m involved I avoid some individuals’ calls and ask them to text instead. But you have to communicate that."

Answered above.

"Are you getting drunk at the club?"

Interesting question. I may have 4-5 beers, 3 nights a week or so, but my tolerance is very high due to taste testings at work and genetics. Some may get drunk from that amount but I don't. I do not drink specifically to get drunk, as I'm not a fan of hangovers.

Never meddle in the affairs of dragons as they are subtle and quick to anger, & you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
 
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Matt L

Site Benefactor
Brother Glen hit the nail on the head. JW's are normally elected and you're asked if you accept the office. If you accept, it comes with great responsibility. Part of that responsibility is staying in touch with the West and the East, and being available to the Brethren when they are at refreshment.

Perhaps you're not ready to subdue your passions outside the lodge, and the Master failed to communicate the expectations of your position.

I'm glad they brought their concerns to you beforehand.

Best of luck Brother, and Happy New Year.
 

BEDickey

Premium Member
I feel I should add, my year as SD was one of the best the Lodge has seen in years according to my fellow officers. My year as JW I have been dealing with severe injury to body, spirit, heart and wallet. Recovery has been a rough road.

I'm feeling it might be best for me to step back entirely, deal with what weighs me down, and come back at another time. That would leave the Lodge in a shorthanded position Officer wise as I'm not only the current JW I am also serving as Librarian and Historian for the Lodge, as well as serving as an advisor/Rainbow Dad in our local I.O.R.G.

Never meddle in the affairs of dragons as they are subtle and quick to anger, & you are crunchy and good with ketchup.
 
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Matt L

Site Benefactor
Brother Dickey, you have a lot of irons in the fire. I hope this New Year greets you with good health, renewed spirit, and an uplifted heart. Turn to the book that you took your oath on, to rule and guide you. If you ever need to talk, please PM me.

I wish you all the best,

Matt
 

Mike Mendelson

Registered User
Forgive me, brother, because I don't know you personally, but only from your heartfelt post here, for which you are to be applauded. It's tough to share these kinds of concerns.

However, if your consumption is 4-5 beers 3X week on average, that doesn't seem sustainable or healthy over the long run. It doesn't mean you have to quit cold turkey or leave the industry which you clearly enjoy. I'm sure there are brothers who can help you if and when you're ready. As the Maori song goes, "Kia kaha, kia toa" (Be brave, be strong).
 

Glen Cook

G A Cook
Site Benefactor
You clearly haven’t lived in Scotland. :)
Forgive me, brother, because I don't know you personally, but only from your heartfelt post here, for which you are to be applauded. It's tough to share these kinds of concerns.

However, if your consumption is 4-5 beers 3X week on average, that doesn't seem sustainable or healthy over the long run. It doesn't mean you have to quit cold turkey or leave the industry which you clearly enjoy. I'm sure there are brothers who can help you if and when you're ready. As the Maori song goes, "Kia kaha, kia toa" (Be brave, be strong).
 

Mike Mendelson

Registered User
Very true, sir, although I have visited, and I know the comedy of Danny Bhoy, Billy Connolly, and Frankie Boyle (when he used to be funny). :)
 
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